This week I've been thinking about our need to "be better". There are 2 facets to this notion for me- for now I will discuss the more macro one. I'm wondering why "being better than..." is, well, better than just "being". When and how do we learn to compare ourselves to others in order to evaluate how we are doing, and who we are? It may be tempting to point a finger at parents and relatives, but while they are in most cases complicit in the comparison habit, we may want to look beyond the family to notice themes of contrast, competition and judgement. We all realize that comparing can be a useful tool in discerning where we need to improve and that competition can be a very effective motivator, but should they be our only tools of evaluation and motivation? And how does harsh judgement get used as we compare ourselves to others? I invite us all to explore our own relationship with comparison and competition and examine how they've impacted our perception of self; in what ways we participate in rivalry; and whether we can find alternative, perhaps kinder, means of becoming our authentic selves.
What a year we are having! From early 2020, we have been dealing with the pain and loss of Corona-related illness and deaths, isolation, uncertainty, financial strain and loneliness. We are also seeing important shifts toward a more just, less racist, less greedy societies. It is quite the turmoil and it requires two things that most of us have difficulty doing- slowing down, and surrendering to the unknown. This is particularly challenging if you are a planner/organizer, who finds comfort in structures, preparations and set timelines. It may feel like you have no anchor beneath you, like everything is chaotic, unpredictable and unsound, as if the ground beneath you is shaky. There are many online resources on calming and grounding methods, and on practical tools for creating a structure for oneself is this somewhat structure-less time. What I suggest we add is a gentle, compassionate, self-assessment tool: "What is available to me right now?". The answer can direct us away
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