Therapeutic Thoughts

My life is cut into chunks of time: Fifty minutes, one hour, sixty seven moments of Wounded experiences, of Hidden revelations, pain and laughter and climbing The mountains of harsh hope. The wholeness of human mosaic Scratches my soul, dresses it in exhausted gratitude. © Michal Er-el

People often wonder when it is the right time to make a life changing decision, such as moving in together, quitting a job, leaving a long-term partner/ spouse or moving to another city (or country). Financial and practical factors are a big part of the decision-making process, but frequently emotional considerations take the lead. Emotionally-based decisions are not necessarily bad; feelings of frustration, anger, longing, etc. can be indicators that something needs to change, and they can show us the direction in which we need to move. However, few people (if any) are capable of making great decisions when they are in an emotional turmoil. It may be useful to take some time and carefully consider and plan a big life transition, and to decipher whether it is you making the change, or is it "upset", "anger", "disappointment" or "head over heals in love"  who is calling the shots. For most people, a less impulsive, more reflective choice has a bet...

Narrative Therapy- created by Michael White and David Epston- can be useful outside the therapy room. One key principle of Narrative Therapy is Externalization- distinguishing between a person and their problem. In my experience, it is also extremely useful to separate a specific behaviour or action from the person. Managing relationships in the work place, within your family or with your friends or your spouse/partner, can be done in a less emotionally-charged way once we learn to criticize a behaviour rather than criticizing the person. There are pitfalls, though, and a frank, respectful discussion about change can only lead to positive results if all involved are invested in the other's well-being... If you are in a personal relationship with someone who seems not to care about your happiness, I invite you to explore why you are there, and whether you need to make a change. More on the "right time" to make a change in the next post! The views and suggestions o...

Many times I wonder, mostly after hearing a story about a client's horrific childhood, whether any therapy can mend the "unmendable". Can a healer, a therapist, or anyone else, fill the excruciating void created by parents who were unable to provide the care, stability, warmth and nurturing all children need and deserve? And more specifically, can I, filled with great intentions, some good tools and strategies and a listening heart, really help ease the pain, shame, guilt and anger that survivors of a shattered childhood experience? A while back, I worked with a young woman whose childhood and teenage years were drastically impacted by her mother's experience in a residential school.* There seemed to be no measure for her hurt, caused by a harsh, judgmental and non-validating environment, and no end to her pain over the family conflict and relationships break-down that ensued as a result. As a therapist, I struggled to find an "anchor"- a goal, a dream,...