Poem: The Therapist's Chair

My life is cut into chunks of time:
Fifty minutes, one hour, sixty seven moments of
Wounded experiences, of
Hidden revelations, pain and laughter and climbing
The mountains of harsh hope.
The wholeness of human mosaic
Scratches my soul, dresses it in exhausted gratitude.

© Michal Er-el

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When Pain is the Present

As many of us exercise mindfulness as a tool to enhance equanimity and emotional well-being, we may find it difficult to reconcile what seems like a conflict. On the one hand, we want to allow ourselves to experience all feelings, even the ones that bring discomfort or pain, while on the other hand we strive to accept that which we realistically cannot change. For example, how can we accept the grief over the death of a loved one, the loss of employment or a school year or a relationship, or over watching a parent deteriorate physically and cognitively? How can we accept what we so much wish to be different, while embracing the sadness, anguish and helplessness attached to that reality? Perhaps the key is to honour both ends. We can make room for the feelings, like setting daily "worry time" or "crying time" over what is scary, frustrating or painful, AND create a space for some compassionate radical acceptance like saying to ourselves "I wish things could be d...

Us Too- Part 2

About 2 weeks ago, a man asked women on Facebook the following question: "If every night there was a lock-down for men only, from 8:00 PM to 8:00 AM, what would you do (that you don't currently do for fear of getting hurt)?" In a moving blog post, Maya Tevet-Dayan*, notes that hundreds of responses were received. Women said that they would go to the beach on their own, walk alone on city streets after dark, ride their bikes in the fields near their homes, not worry when they send their daughters to the store or to a friend's house. What simple and mundane replies! Tevet-Dayan rightfully laments the expropriation of the public realm so that girls and women simply have no claim on it or the opportunity to exist in public spaces safely, when they are alone. If you are not a girl or a woman, of any age, you most likely have never had the experience of knowing, all the time, that you can be hurt in the community. Stares, catcalling, body-shaming, being followed, being sho...

Us Too- Part 1

I recently met a young woman who was told by another therapist that an experience she had in high school "was not sexual assault". Without getting into the details of the incident (it actually WAS an assault), I want to focus here on confusion. In this world of changing, sometime conflicting, messages on what is expected of young people of all genders, in a global environment of instant gratification (Likes, for example) and lack of careful future planning (the climate crisis, for instance), where leaders are mostly measured by their wealth or fame rather than their vision for their community, is it any wonder that so many have no clear set of values to follow? We'd all like to think that the children we are raising, our friends, colleagues, fellow students would never hurt anyone, but every person who abused, assaulted or raped has family members and friends who are shocked to learn of the horrific pain this person caused others. What messages are we sending to boys abo...

Therapeutic Thoughts

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