Skip to main content

The season changed; should I?

People often wonder when it is the right time to make a life changing decision, such as moving in together, quitting a job, leaving a long-term partner/ spouse or moving to another city (or country). Financial and practical factors are a big part of the decision-making process, but frequently emotional considerations take the lead. Emotionally-based decisions are not necessarily bad; feelings of frustration, anger, longing, etc. can be indicators that something needs to change, and they can show us the direction in which we need to move. However, few people (if any) are capable of making great decisions when they are in an emotional turmoil. It may be useful to take some time and carefully consider and plan a big life transition, and to decipher whether it is you making the change, or is it "upset", "anger", "disappointment" or "head over heals in love"  who is calling the shots. For most people, a less impulsive, more reflective choice has a better chance of yielding positive outcomes.
* If you are considering leaving an abusive relationship, please take a little time to plan your departure, to make sure you are safe as you leave. There are many online resources to guide one through this transition.



The views and suggestions on this blog are for informational purposes only; they do not presume to capture the full complexity of an individual situation nor do they pretend to offer comprehensive therapeutic consultations. If you need help, please contact a regulated professional (registered social workers, psychotherapists or psychologists).    

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Honouring the Available

 What a year we are having! From early 2020, we have been dealing with the pain and loss of Corona-related illness and deaths, isolation, uncertainty, financial strain and loneliness. We are also seeing important shifts toward a more just, less racist, less greedy societies. It is quite the turmoil and it requires two things that most of us have difficulty doing- slowing down, and surrendering to the unknown. This is particularly challenging if you are a planner/organizer, who finds comfort in structures, preparations and set timelines. It may feel like you have no anchor beneath you, like everything is chaotic, unpredictable and unsound, as if the ground beneath you is shaky. There are many online resources on calming and grounding methods, and on practical tools for creating a structure for oneself is this somewhat structure-less time. What I suggest we add is a gentle, compassionate, self-assessment tool: "What is available to me right now?". The answer can direct us away

Us Too- Part 1

I recently met a young woman who was told by another therapist that an experience she had in high school "was not sexual assault". Without getting into the details of the incident (it actually WAS an assault), I want to focus here on confusion. In this world of changing, sometime conflicting, messages on what is expected of young people of all genders, in a global environment of instant gratification (Likes, for example) and lack of careful future planning (the climate crisis, for instance), where leaders are mostly measured by their wealth or fame rather than their vision for their community, is it any wonder that so many have no clear set of values to follow?  We'd all like to think that the children we are raising, our friends, colleagues, fellow students would never hurt anyone, but every person who abused, assaulted or raped has family members and friends who are shocked to learn of the horrific pain this person caused others. What messages are we sending to boys abo

Leaping ahead: An accidental life lesson

On a wintry afternoon by the lake, I was out for a walk with a friend. As we reached an icy patch on the trail, I walked around it to avoid slipping. At the same time, my friend lunged forward and ran across the ice, sliding on it joyfully. It occurred to me in that moment that we can live our lives in either approach- avoiding perceived danger or charging toward perceived opportunity. It is necessary to differentiate between situations in order to avoid actual risk (physical or emotional), but my feeling is that most of us tend to lean more towards the pole of extreme caution. What do we lose by avoiding risks? How did we learn that taking a chance is scary or not worth trying? When did failure become such a bad word? Who do we need next to us as we chart a new, and often frightening, path? Important questions to explore... As for me, this moment on the trail led me to reflect on my own tendencies, and on the next icy patch I thrust myself forward and slid on the ice. A few more att