Skip to main content

Emotional Fixers- Rewards and Risks

Are you an emotional fixer? Is it your role to make sure that the people you care about are happy and content? That there is harmony- always- and agreement for everyone around you? While peace and understanding are goals for which to strive, you may want to ask yourself a few questions: Is the harmony coming at the cost of minimizing, even eliminating, your own needs? Who assigned you this role? Are you trying to fix someone else's emotional distress for them?
I believe that respectful conflict is essential to healthy relationships and that disagreements can be one way in which values are explored and refined. In my personal and professional experience, I have seen the emotional fixer take the impossible task of pleasing others and trying to heal wounds that are not their own, but it is never enough... We all have a responsibility to do our own emotional work. You can be caring, loving and supportive while setting healthy boundaries between you and others. Otherwise, the risk to you emotionally may be too costly.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Meditating self-compassionately...

Recently, I had a wonderful opportunity to attempt mindful meditation using a different approach- one that does not propose only noticing thoughts that come to our head while we attempt to meditate, but one that suggests actually following these thoughts, learning from them and even celebrating them, instead of viewing them as a distraction.  This approach invites acceptance, gentleness and kindness directed at ourselves, since there is judgment even in labeling various thoughts or feelings during meditation as distracting or diverting from the “real” purpose of meditation.  It was fascinating and exciting to see where the mind, body and spirit can go when blame, shame, guilt, and following meditation “rules” are out of the way! If we treat even our challenging feelings and thoughts with compassion and welcome them into our consciousness (inside and outside a meditation process), we can learn so much about our commitments, values, identity, that was otherwise unavailab...
Post a Comment
Read more

Holocaust Remembrance Day reflection

Brown eyes are a danger to have, No matter how pretty they may be, shaped like big marbles or almonds, They bring suspicion, they make you A non-human, deserving of humiliation, or hurt, or death, Whether you are a young woman who just married, a Rabbi, a barber, a poet, the village Shochet, or A brown-eyed baby. Brown eyes. Brown hair. Brown skin; Colourless compassion is needed. With immense gratitude to Ettie Miller, for sharing her family's painful and wonderful story of survival.
Post a Comment
Read more