Therapeutic Thoughts

Recently, I had a wonderful opportunity to attempt mindful meditation using a different approach- one that does not propose only noticing thoughts that come to our head while we attempt to meditate, but one that suggests actually following these thoughts, learning from them and even celebrating them, instead of viewing them as a distraction.  This approach invites acceptance, gentleness and kindness directed at ourselves, since there is judgment even in labeling various thoughts or feelings during meditation as distracting or diverting from the “real” purpose of meditation.  It was fascinating and exciting to see where the mind, body and spirit can go when blame, shame, guilt, and following meditation “rules” are out of the way! If we treat even our challenging feelings and thoughts with compassion and welcome them into our consciousness (inside and outside a meditation process), we can learn so much about our commitments, values, identity, that was otherwise unavailable. And,

Mindfulness-based therapy modalities, such as Dialectical Behaviour Therapy [DBT], make room for tension between two seemingly-opposite notions. One of the tents of DBT is the ongoing seesaw of Acceptance and Change. When facing a challenge, a decision that needs to be made, a moment of confusion, we may want to bring some clarity by asking ourselves what is needed right now- Acceptance, or Change. In order to do this effectively, we need to reflect on and identify the "uncontrollables" that we are so desperately trying to control; if we are trying to change something that is out of our control, and if we are attempting to accept something that requires change, we may find ourselves frustrated, hurt or stuck. Let's open the door to both possibilities and get support, if necessary, to choose the most helpful action for this moment in time.

Brown eyes are a danger to have, No matter how pretty they may be, shaped like big marbles or almonds, They bring suspicion, they make you A non-human, deserving of humiliation, or hurt, or death, Whether you are a young woman who just married, a Rabbi, a barber, a poet, the village Shochet, or A brown-eyed baby. Brown eyes. Brown hair. Brown skin; Colourless compassion is needed. With immense gratitude to Ettie Miller, for sharing her family's painful and wonderful story of survival.

On a wintry afternoon by the lake, I was out for a walk with a friend. As we reached an icy patch on the trail, I walked around it to avoid slipping. At the same time, my friend lunged forward and ran across the ice, sliding on it joyfully. It occurred to me in that moment that we can live our lives in either approach- avoiding perceived danger or charging toward perceived opportunity. It is necessary to differentiate between situations in order to avoid actual risk (physical or emotional), but my feeling is that most of us tend to lean more towards the pole of extreme caution. What do we lose by avoiding risks? How did we learn that taking a chance is scary or not worth trying? When did failure become such a bad word? Who do we need next to us as we chart a new, and often frightening, path? Important questions to explore... As for me, this moment on the trail led me to reflect on my own tendencies, and on the next icy patch I thrust myself forward and slid on the ice. A few more att

Don't we seem to go faster and faster these days? Working or studying, running errands, caring for family members, keeping up with the constant news flow and with social media, and so much more... When, in all of this, do we stop and take a breath?  You may wonder why this is important- isn't it good to be productive, accomplished, busy? I would argue that productivity only improves when we take a break (and our vacation days!), and that the pressure of continuous movement is not the only (or best) way to be.  What do we miss when we rush? The opportunity to really be in a moment of connection, of insight, of growth. And perhaps we also miss out on the possibility to notice what, and who, is in our life, and how we feel about that. I invite you to stop for a few minutes a day (you can put a reminder on you phone…), and just be.