Skip to main content

Is this is a time for acceptance, or change?

Mindfulness-based therapy modalities, such as Dialectical Behaviour Therapy [DBT], make room for tension between two seemingly-opposite notions. One of the tents of DBT is the ongoing seesaw of Acceptance and Change. When facing a challenge, a decision that needs to be made, a moment of confusion, we may want to bring some clarity by asking ourselves what is needed right now- Acceptance, or Change. In order to do this effectively, we need to reflect on and identify the "uncontrollables" that we are so desperately trying to control; if we are trying to change something that is out of our control, and if we are attempting to accept something that requires change, we may find ourselves frustrated, hurt or stuck. Let's open the door to both possibilities and get support, if necessary, to choose the most helpful action for this moment in time.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Holocaust Remembrance Day reflection

Brown eyes are a danger to have,
No matter how pretty they may be, shaped like big marbles or almonds,
They bring suspicion, they make you
A non-human, deserving of humiliation, or hurt, or death,
Whether you are a young woman who just married, a Rabbi, a barber, a poet, the village Shochet, or
A brown-eyed baby.
Brown eyes. Brown hair. Brown skin;
Colourless compassion is needed.


With immense gratitude to Ettie Miller, for sharing her family's painful and wonderful story of survival.

Hand in hand

I recently spoke with a very seasoned therapist about the role of the therapist in the therapeutic process- is it to witness and contain, to observe and accompany or to help facilitate change?
Should transformation come only as a result of the individual reaching insight on their own, or can the therapist take a more active role?
There are recent peer-reviewed studies showing that the outcome of therapy is very closely tied to therapists' characteristics, much more than to the type of therapeutic modality (like CBT, DBT, etc.). "Interestingly, more effective psychiatrists, meeting regularly with patients, achieve better outcomes administering a placebo than do less effective psychiatrists administering antidepressant medication (McKay, Imel, & Wampold, 2006)!"1
Among the qualities found to be necessary for effective therapists is creating an alliance that is steeped in empathy, collaboration, optimism and hope. Beyond the research, I believe that most individuals see…

Emotional Fixers- Rewards and Risks

Are you an emotional fixer? Is it your role to make sure that the people you care about are happy and content? That there is harmony- always- and agreement for everyone around you? While peace and understanding are goals for which to strive, you may want to ask yourself a few questions: Is the harmony coming at the cost of minimizing, even eliminating, your own needs? Who assigned you this role? Are you trying to fix someone else's emotional distress for them?
I believe that respectful conflict is essential to healthy relationships and that disagreements can be one way in which values are explored and refined. In my personal and professional experience, I have seen the emotional fixer take the impossible task of pleasing others and trying to heal wounds that are not their own, but it is never enough... We all have a responsibility to do our own emotional work. You can be caring, loving and supportive while setting healthy boundaries between you and others. Otherwise, the risk to y…