Mindfulness-based therapy modalities, such as Dialectical Behaviour Therapy [DBT], make room for tension between two seemingly-opposite notions. One of the tents of DBT is the ongoing seesaw of Acceptance and Change. When facing a challenge, a decision that needs to be made, a moment of confusion, we may want to bring some clarity by asking ourselves what is needed right now- Acceptance, or Change. In order to do this effectively, we need to reflect on and identify the "uncontrollables" that we are so desperately trying to control; if we are trying to change something that is out of our control, and if we are attempting to accept something that requires change, we may find ourselves frustrated, hurt or stuck. Let's open the door to both possibilities and get support, if necessary, to choose the most helpful action for this moment in time.
I recently watched Rocketman, a film based on Elton John's life and music. Beyond the music, dance and costumes, the film tells the story of a painful childhood steeped in invalidation and harsh criticism. In one moving moment, after hitting rock bottom, John offers his younger-self what was not available to him emotionally from his parents. That short scene sheds light on a dual need- the historical need in nurture, warmth and acceptance and the present-day need to feel loved, appreciated and heard. Not one of us can travel back in time to fill any needs that were not (fully) met and erase the pain of that deficit, and we all have the power to fill the void that continues to live in our present context. It takes work to develop this skill and to build a sense of emotional safety. I am always touched and grateful when I get to support individuals in this process and to witness their journey of self-healing. As Elton John and Bernie Taupin co-wrote (in 2001): I want lo...
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