Skip to main content

Using Narrative Therapy in Daily Life and Relationships


Narrative Therapy- created by Michael White and David Epston- can be useful outside the therapy room.
One key principle of Narrative Therapy is Externalization- distinguishing between a person and their problem. In my experience, it is also extremely useful to separate a specific behaviour or action from the person.
Managing relationships in the work place, within your family or with your friends or your spouse/partner, can be done in a less emotionally-charged way once we learn to criticize a behaviour rather than criticizing the person.
There are pitfalls, though, and a frank, respectful discussion about change can only lead to positive results if all involved are invested in the other's well-being...
If you are in a personal relationship with someone who seems not to care about your happiness, I invite you to explore why you are there, and whether you need to make a change. More on the "right time" to make a change in the next post!


The views and suggestions on this blog are for informational purposes only; they do not presume to capture the full complexity of an individual situation nor do they pretend to offer comprehensive therapeutic consultations. If you need help, please contact a regulated professional (registered social workers, psychotherapists or psychologists). 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Filling the Unfillable Void

I recently watched Rocketman, a film based on Elton John's life and music. Beyond the music, dance and costumes, the film tells the story of a painful childhood steeped in invalidation and harsh criticism. In one moving moment, after hitting rock bottom, John offers his younger-self what was not available to him emotionally from his parents. That short scene sheds light on a dual need- the historical need in nurture, warmth and acceptance and the present-day need to feel loved, appreciated and heard.  Not one of us can travel back in time to fill any needs that were not (fully) met and erase the pain of that deficit, and we all have the power to fill the void that continues to live in our present context. It takes work to develop this skill and to build a sense of emotional safety. I am always touched and grateful when I get to support individuals in this process and to witness their journey of self-healing.  As Elton John and Bernie Taupin co-wrote (in 2001):  I want lo...

Emotional Fixers- Rewards and Risks

Are you an emotional fixer? Is it your role to make sure that the people you care about are happy and content? That there is harmony- always- and agreement for everyone around you? While peace and understanding are goals for which to strive, you may want to ask yourself a few questions: Is the harmony coming at the cost of minimizing, even eliminating, your own needs? Who assigned you this role? Are you trying to fix someone else's emotional distress for them? I believe that respectful conflict is essential to healthy relationships and that disagreements can be one way in which values are explored and refined. In my personal and professional experience, I have seen the emotional fixer take the impossible task of pleasing others and trying to heal wounds that are not their own, but it is never enough... We all have a responsibility to do our own emotional work. You can be caring, loving and supportive while setting healthy boundaries between you and others. Otherwise, the risk to y...

Us Too- Part 1

I recently met a young woman who was told by another therapist that an experience she had in high school "was not sexual assault". Without getting into the details of the incident (it actually WAS an assault), I want to focus here on confusion. In this world of changing, sometime conflicting, messages on what is expected of young people of all genders, in a global environment of instant gratification (Likes, for example) and lack of careful future planning (the climate crisis, for instance), where leaders are mostly measured by their wealth or fame rather than their vision for their community, is it any wonder that so many have no clear set of values to follow?  We'd all like to think that the children we are raising, our friends, colleagues, fellow students would never hurt anyone, but every person who abused, assaulted or raped has family members and friends who are shocked to learn of the horrific pain this person caused others. What messages are we sending to boys abo...