Many times I
wonder, mostly after hearing a story about a client's horrific childhood,
whether any therapy can mend the "unmendable". Can a healer, a
therapist, or anyone else, fill the excruciating void created by parents who
were unable to provide the care, stability, warmth and nurturing all children
need and deserve? And more specifically, can I, filled with great intentions,
some good tools and strategies and a listening heart, really help ease the
pain, shame, guilt and anger that survivors of a shattered childhood
experience?
A while back, I
worked with a young woman whose childhood and teenage years were drastically
impacted by her mother's experience in a residential school.* There seemed to
be no measure for her hurt, caused by a harsh, judgmental and non-validating
environment, and no end to her pain over the family conflict and relationships break-down
that ensued as a result. As a therapist, I struggled to find an
"anchor"- a goal, a dream, anything to help this survivor in finding
a way out of the anguish that appeared to be consuming her emotionally, and
contributing to her serious health condition. It was a while before this client
was able to identify and embrace her strengths and look forward into what, and
whom, she wanted in her future.
This woman,
a mother herself now, said in our last session, as we were talking about her
next steps: "This is the kind of
conversation I could never have with my mother". She expressed sadness,
but she also spoke of hope, of a renewed sense of confidence and
self-assurance, which were created through our work together. She came to the
last session with a broken arm; apparently, it took her a few days to realize
that the arm is not just bruised, and requires medical attention. We spoke
about this as a metaphor for life: Even when something is broken, and may never
be perfectly fixed, one can have a rich, fulfilling and happy life, learning how
to function with the existing injury (of course, we also talked about the need
to recognize when one is hurting, and to get help...).
Does therapy
always have a positive conclusion? Sadly, no. But sometimes, many times, when
it is the right moment for the person to reach out, when the client and
therapist work well together and develop a relationship based on trust,
validation and respect, the individual's strengths, skills and abilities can
shine through and help them re-author their lives. Your first chapters don't
have to determine the rest of your book.
With thanks and great admiration to HP, for all that she
taught me. I hope to make good use of her teachings to help others.
* A lot has been said and written about the atrocities of
the residential schools and the consequential devastation of First Nations families
and communities; you may want to read the chilling poem by Gary Geddes The
Resumption of Play (in a book by the same title, 2016, Quattro Poetry) which
captures the horror and trauma from the perspective of a child being snatched
from his family and community to a residential school.
The views and suggestions on this blog are for informational
purposes only; they do not presume to capture the full complexity of an
individual situation nor do they pretend to offer comprehensive therapeutic
consultations. If you need help, please contact a regulated professional
(registered social workers, psychotherapists or psychologists).
Comments
Post a Comment